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Above is a part from one of my book critiques. For our book critiques we had to read a book then respond to three questions and provide parts from the text to back up the text. This specific is an answer from my second book critique. The book I read was called Writing My Wrongs: Life, Death, and Redemption in an American Prison.
I was very intrigued by this book and I think this book critique shows. This is only one answer but I added so much detail throughout the critique. Throughout the semester I kept getting better and better at writing and I think this is a great example of that. In this I was able to convey my thoughts clearly and also used metaphors and other tools to add interesting details that made the reader want to keep reading. I'm glad that over the semester I was able to practice and learn new writing skills because I enjoy writing and now I can do it confidently an effectively. Above is one of the reflections that I did in Mr. Aguirre's class. The prompt for this reflection was 'What can you do now that you could not do a year ago?' We had to write four reflections in order to complete a portion of our portfolio.
This was one of my favorite reflections. It wasn't too personal where I wouldn't want to share it and I truly responded to the question asked. This reflection talks about how I've struggle with communicating my thoughts through writing and that now I can focus on little details that contribute to making my writing better instead of the flow of everything. I had fun writing this reflection because I kept adding details that just popped into my head. I think it's important to write whatever comes to mind and then if I need to go back and smooth everything out I can. I wanted to write a story with a topic that I was interested in and a story that could be a totally real situation. I played football and I really liked it and I enjoy watching. I wrote a story using the Pixar format to tell a story about a dedicated athlete who has a horrible turn of events.
1.) Once upon a time... There was a freshman in high school, Ollie Washington, a football player. His dream was to someday be on the big screen for everyone to watch. 2.) And every day... Ollie wanted to get better. There was never a day that Ollie wasn’t at the park after school or on the weekend working out and doing footwork drills. He was serious about his goal. He had dedication. He had drive. He had a dream that he wanted to accomplish. 3.) Until one day... During a school football game he had a major concussion. What a tragic mishap. Ollie was running down the line on special teams. His team had just kicked off. His job was to run down the field and tackle the man with the ball. That’s exactly what he was doing when BAM!! Outta nowhere Ollie gets rocked. He didn’t see the guy. The guy saw him though. It was a dirty hit. Helmet to helmet. Who does that? Why put yourself and others at risk for concussion. The culprit was okay. Ollie wasn’t. He was lying there hurting unconscious. 4.) And because of this... The hit what a crowd silencer. You could hear the SHMACK of the helmets ramming into each other. Ollie was lying there non responsive. That ended the game for Ollie. All the medical staff rushed to his assistant. It was a hit that concerned everyone. Not just his parents. Ollie’s parents were up at the gates. Screaming. Crying. Wanting to be at their sons side. Wanting to nurture him. Wanting him to be okay. The paramedics arrived at the scene. Ollie was wheeled out off the field to the ambulance. His dad was by his side. His mom would later meet them at the hospital. 5.) And because of this... Ollie woke up in the hospital. He was dazed. He didn’t understand what was going on. He could hardly open his eyes. Ollie’s parents were sitting in his hospital room. His dad was chewing his nails and his mom was tearing up. They were in the middle of a terrifying conversation. The conversation had no dialogue. They were reading each other's eyes. They along with Ollie were in pain. The one son they loved, adored, and had big plans for would most likely would never be the same... They heard something. It came from Ollie. His mom rushed to his bedside and grabbed his hand gently. His dad stayed in the corner of the room with a look of fear covering his face. Mr. Washington was wondering what was going to happen to his son. The doctor walked in the room. Bad news was coming. The doctor told Mr. And Mrs. Washington to take a seat… What was the news? Ollie’s father couldn’t stop biting his nails. He was shaking his leg. Tapping the heel of his foot on the ground. His mom was trying to hold tears back. She had a crumpled up tissue in her hand. She had been using that to wipe her tears up all night. The doctor told them.. “This concussion was life threatening. He’s a battler to even survive that. From the cat scan that I’ve seen I’d be surprised if Ollie will be able to walk on his own again.” The doctor paused as Ollie’s mom bursted out in tears. Mr. Washington took his wife in his arm as she wept. “I will tell you there is a chance he walks again. I’m not sure about football but your son seems very strong. I wouldn’t expect or hope for too much but I’ve seen instances where there is at least a 90% recovery. I think your son could potentially get there. I’ll leave you now. Ollie will have to stay here for the next couple days then you are welcome to take him home.” Ollie’s dad responded with a thanks doc and a handshake then the doctor left the room. At this point the family was in a big amount of pain. There was no hope. Ollie’s parents stayed with him in the hospital until he was released. They took him home in a wheelchair. Ollie was still dazed. He couldn’t really tell what was happening. He couldn’t walk. He couldn’t really talk. He could make some noises. His parents would cry together and sit in the pool of pain that they cried. 6.) Until One Day . . . Ollie’s parents stopped crying. Instead of being in pain they realized something. They wanted to remember their son for how good he was. How he was so persistent and such a hard worker. Physical Therapy was the next step for Ollie. If there was any chance of him getting better this was the way. Hard work. Maybe Ollie would pick up where he left off. Ollie was there 3 times a week. Working harder and harder. After dedicating his time to getting better he worked his way up from a wheelchair to crutches. Next was no crutches. He continued to push himself. With this drive and dedication he could ditch the crutches. His mind was also growing. Things started rushing back to him. Football came back to him... 7.) And ever since that day . . . Ollie has continued working hard. His goal is football. His parents did not want that. Ollie continued working hard and showed he was physically and mentally ready again for football. His parents still wouldn’t let him, but with his dedication, drive, and persistence he finally got a yes. He is now a junior. It has been 2 years since the incident. He stepped on the field. Everyone in the crowd stood up and applauded. He was finally back home. Balsa Project Reflection
We are now in our third week of school. You have worked in a partnership to build and launch two balsa rockets and also have created a video to showcase your work. The prompts below are to be answered in an effort to reflect on this project. Please make a copy of this document and respond to the prompts in a different color font. Finally, link your document as a post under the humanities tab for me to review.
I have been in the High Tech system since 4th grade. I Love this school and doing projects to show my understanding of the topics. Going into freshman year I was a quiet scared kid. I never wanted to speak up and or ask questions. As the year went on I got more comfortable and started asking more questions so I could understand the topics more. At the end of freshman year we could choose to do a project of our choice. I wanted to challenge myself and expand on something I had done earlier that semester. I wanted to make a box version of a Rubens Tube.
Going into this year I have more confidence and I feel like I can be more of a leader. That should help because we have freshman coming in and I know how it can be uncomfortable. With that I think I can make the transition to high school much smoother for them. I am super into film and movie making and I think I can bring a little knowledge into it. I can't wait for this semester. I am super excited for the work that we are doing. The documentary sounds super fun!!! |
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